Monthly Archives: April 2012
Football Euphoria
I’m not an avid soccer fan… in fact I don’t watch it. Well I watch World Cup if that counts and we all know how many times that takes place! Quite recently I started watching live matches of my church league. Each month has a team to support and since it’s all part of the fun I go to the pitch to encourage my team. For EPL, La Liga and Spanish league fans and supporters out there, I know I’m not to be reckoned with. I make no apologies and still find that I can do without good old football.
Despite not being an avid follower or supporter of any of the clubs but because of my recent encounter with the game I’ve come to understand why people’s emotions tend to ride high when their teams are playing. The bad calls by the referees, dives by players, unsportsmanlike behaviour of other club players et al is quite understandable. What I simply don’t get on the other hand is the extreme euphoria of some fans. We’ve all read about husbands, boyfriends etc being uncommunicative during matches (especially if the tide’s against their club) and others getting violent to the point of murder. Violent clashes of opposing fans are common in Europe and Britain.
Unfortunately more instances where tragedy occurs because of these extreme emotional conditions is on the rise in Nigeria. Fans are so intoxicated (with the high of winning or other substances) that they either get injured or die. We know how okada riders celebrate such victories, loudly revved engines, flashing lights and highs speeds through traffic! Some drivers behind the wheels of cars also exhibit these traits and a domino down side of supporting the Blues, Barca, ManU (or others) results.
I believe that emotions demonstrate our humanity and it’s good to be in touch with them. On the other hand, we also have cold reason that guides, it balances our emotions. Reason ensures that we protect ourselves and others when things happen and it’s also very useful in our daily lives. It dictates that we proceed with caution in some instances and tells us to desist in others. This balance is susceptible to the level of some substances (e.g. alcohol, prescription drugs, illicit drugs etc) in the system and the higher the level the more unreasonable the person.
Thus, the situation where the fans or supporters watch the matches and imbibe alcohol (and the like) makes for a dangerous combination. This potent mix and heightened emotions is tense at the least and volatile at best. So, arguments, fights and other methods of flexing masculinity occur and ugly is a good word to use when things spin out of control.
The opposing players exchange jerseys and shake hands after a match. If they happen to be friendly may even go for a drink or bite when the match is over. I’m not sure their rivalry extends off the pitch. Personally, I’m perplexed on the other hand when people thousands of miles and on the other side of the world get violent. How does it improve your life? How does it help you or your family? What does it add to your bottom line or character when you act so outrageously?
Celebrate if you must, but everything in moderation. Football is a sport that many love and I believe it’s also an emotional outlet for many that appreciate it. Moderation should be the key when wins or losses occur…after all whether you’re sad or happy it doesn’t really affect the Drogbas, Torres, Lampards and Messis over there!
Just Friends
The age long war of the sexes has been with us since the beginning of time, precisely since the time of Adam and Eve. The roles of the hunter and the prey have been interchanged with the advent of the modern age! Modern man and woman have inculcated certain characteristics into the traditional roles of male and female. Despite the advent of the modern age in Africa, civilisation of man has not adversely affected the roles. This is to say that the role of the hunter, traditionally reserved for males is that which still prevails.
In ages gone by it was the time and reign of the ‘love messenger’, a role played by males or females depending on the society and culture in question. Nowadays, this role has been dispensed with and we have the more direct and one-on-one encounters that has been propagated and directly influenced by the advent of western culture and society. The only time the role still subsists is where an introduction is required and once that’s done is immediately dispensed with.
The phenomenon of ‘the chase’ is an institution that is here to stay, as long as the male and female species co-exist on the same planet. This ‘chase’ is as varied and unique as the men in the world, whether they are Chinese, Brazilian, Malaysian, Italian, Zambian or Nigerian. The techniques differ, as the various individuals. Interestingly, there is ONE thing that is common to all males; it cuts across cultures, continents and societies. In fact this common denominator is anathema to the male gender and has its origin from the ladies.
What could this be that elicits such a strong and universal response? The proverbial bone of contention is the phrase, ‘Just friends’. A lot of ladies at one time or the other have utilised this simple phrase. The response from the men at the time of its usage ranges from resignation, disappointment to downright exasperation and anger. In certain cases an overreaction might be said to occur. Like the overload of an electrical circuit that brings sparks and other violent explosions. Explode is the word that resonates, when the response of the lady being ‘toasted’ is ‘let’s be friends’. What’s in this phrase or sentence that elicits such a strong reaction from the opposite gender?
The male species would have us know (i.e. the womenfolk) that we don’t know our minds! Us, the mothers to be of future generations have been and are sometimes tagged as nothing but simpletons during this phase. This in essence is what the woman in question deduces whenever she utters this singular phrase. How can I come to this hasty conclusion? It’s quite simple really, because from ample evidence once the magical phrase has been uttered there is now a fresh onslaught by the hunter. In order to convince the ‘babe’, ‘chick’,’ gal’ or whatever of the wisdom of her convictions, the bastion is stormed afresh and the individual’s ear talked off in order to convince her otherwise. Sometimes external reinforcement is brought in to buttress the point and elicit a reversal.
Granted, females in general are known to be complex and some are said to dither in decision making, but I wager that a lady knows when she likes a guy and when she does not. Most definitely she knows when she likes a relationship to be anything more than friendship or less. It’s her prerogative if she desires a purely platonic relationship or something more intimate.
Exercising that right to choose has been tagged ‘teasing’ by the men folk, ‘leading on’ is another concept that has been coined from this phenomenon. I think it’s about time that the men grew up i.e. that an adult female (of consenting age) knows her own mind. It is no slight to a guy when a woman tells him she wants only friendship from him. Truth be told, she has paid him one of the highest compliments that could be paid anyone.
The ensuing problem is that the institution of friendship has been marginalized and is viewed a third rate institution or something worthless. Fine, there are people who advocate that there can be no friendship between the sexes, such advocates say that it is only a sexual relationship that can exist between the sexes and nothing genuinely platonic, that has its basis in trust and integrity can survive. Advocates of this theory have to know that a lot of holes can be picked in their theory and that it is only and thus expose it as an archaic theory in this current age of enlightenment.
Certainly there are instances where the ‘just friends’ sentence is handed out and along the way one person changes their mind i.e. feelings may develop. In that situation, an evaluation of the friendship is carried out by both parties and a decision reached in the light of recent developments. Some guys that have accepted this verdict have sometimes used it to bide their time and further worm their way into the cockles of her heart! Whatever the outcome, the phrase ‘just friends’ may not be the death knell it once was and some friendships have evolved beyond this often maligned concept that can be more satisfying than it connotes!
(This piece was published in The Voice newspapers (Benue State) during my NYSC. I recently stumbled on it and decided to share…the original article published was edited.)
The Danfo Classics
There must be a creed by which Danfo drivers adhere or there’s a common anointing that falls on each (and every) person that decides he (not found a woman doing this job yet!) wants to ply the streets of Lagos as one. This is not a hasty conclusion if you observe these daredevils in traffic. Their antics are common and quite familiar: unreasonable driving by ALL standards, honking unnecessarily, compulsively and inordinately LOUD! Purchase of odd ball horns that can simply drive you bonkers when it’s being tooted determinedly in go-slow. Snide and often unpleasant remarks about non-commercial drivers, popularly called ‘my car ’by this breed. Reasoning that’s only understandable to those of their ilk and of course the personalisation of their vehicles.
Some choose to decorate the interior with the photographs of their favourite football players, teams and other related paraphernalia. For others it’s musicians and any other thing that catches their fancy. Again we also have the ‘weird’ ones that have coloured flashing lights (both within and outside the bus), dangling stuffed animals and the like on display. On the other hand, these may have been put by the owner of the vehicle, who’s to say? Whatever the case, we have as many unique buses as there are drivers.
The most obvious aspect of the vehicle is the body and on some is the main message board! Interesting phrases, captions, et al have been written there for all and sundry to partake of and make of them what they will. Some are easily understandable e.g. thank God, God pass dem, Iya Lateef, wabillahi taofeek, nipa ife olugbala (about God’s love),omo alhaja, up Chelsea, God’s blessing and who be fool? Many more phrases abound and reading them is an education in itself.
These texts have been cause of entertainment in some horrendous go-slow. Food for the eyes they have had me chuckling, laughing and sometimes puzzled trying to ferret out the meaning of the more obscure ones. Certainly I’ve often pointed out fresh hitherto unseen ones to other occupants and certain phrases have stuck with me. Quite a few are slangs and if you’re not in the know, it’s likely you’ll stay that way unless someone interprets for you.
These moving message boards have been with us for a while and likely to stay this way, unless the entire transportation system in Lagos state is overhauled and these vehicles banned. Whatever the case may be, we will continue to interact with the drivers, buses and their messages as long as time and existing laws permit.
A Tale of Two Butts
Mutual admiration by both sexes is par for the course. Admiring glances, sneak peeks, checking each other out, covertly or openly is a way of life. Along with the other freedoms, freedom of expression is nurtured. On the other hand if you live where freedom is heavily defined and confined then you must tread carefully.
Good taste and not giving offence were the watch word for paying compliments. Let me re-phrase that…because it seems that being inoffensive is now ‘old school’ and you must learn to move along with the times and get over yourself. Words and acts that were qualified as being in poor taste have undergone a major overhaul and everything is now subjective.
This brings to mind movies, books and images that were previously censored. As a result of societal change, the category and type of materials that are now censored are as different as night from day. When compared to the Seventies you will discover that what was once banned, seems harmless in the light of the Twenty-first century. In this context, exposure and acceptable standards are constantly changing and this with respect to everything!
When you tell a woman that she looks lovely or beautiful, it may elicit a smile, maybe even a blush. On the other hand you must have evaluated the surrounds (place, people and person in question too) before you tell one that she’s hot or sexy. The age of the object of your admiration may also guide you in the choice of words that will make maximum impact. Wrong evaluation of any of these factors may result in less than favourable response and consequences.
I recall the case of a young lady with a generously proportioned figure being lasciviously propositioned! The words used by the man in question were unpleasant at the least and downright degrading. Thankfully the encounter was in public and she gave him a piece of her mind and left it at that. She suffered that indignity because of her physicality; something considered an asset by friends and foes alike. As a result of this she must be prepared to endure some more of this same distasteful treatment in the years ahead. She either grins and bears it or ignores it and lets the people in question know (in no uncertain terms) her view on the matter.
On the other hand there was the case of a chap with a generous bum (above average for a male) that laughingly protested that the space left for him to sit would not be comfortable. In order to settle the friendly quarrel he immediately turned round so that all parties involved could not deny the fact. The banter ended with phone numbers exchanged and ties established. The chap did everything in such a way that no offence was caused…despite the fact that he was chatting with women previously unknown to him.
When engaging with members of the opposite sex (better yet humanity in general!), courtesy should win out each and every time! Although you might think that the ‘dope’ words reigning maybe more meaningful, keeping your emotions in check and telling the ‘eye candy’ this with the courtesy and in the most courteous manner ensures that respect is given and received. Sometimes, we often forget that goodwill is worth more than a million dollar cheque…especially when you least expect it and bump into that perfect stranger you just annoyed! It becomes more devastating when a favourable response would help things along and when you remember that you could have prevented the sorry situation by just being polite!
(Previously published in the Daily Times on September 16th 2011)
Owner’s Corner
I’ve always wondered how various things were named, more specifically the interesting names that have been adapted for popular items, places and even incidents. The person that dubbed a car ‘Evil spirit’ really out did themselves although the people that propagated the name were much more instrumental.
With this at the fore, today we examine what has been dubbed the ‘owner’s corner’.
The ‘owner’s corner’ (that position in the car diagonally opposite the driver’s seat) is a prime piece of mobile real estate. This (we’ve been told) is where the person that owns the vehicle sits. This being the broadest definition, since we have people that don’t necessarily own the car, but that happen to be responsible for it positioned there too. Ultimately, the CEOs, senior executives et al of corporations to whom the driver reports is included in this league. This position thus signifying that whoever occupies it calls the shots.
A few years ago this position might have been their sole preserve, but nowadays this is no longer the situation. There are some ‘owners’ that prefer to ride shotgun and it’s commonplace to see expatriates doing this, indeed it’s a rare sight to see an expatriate strapped in sitting pretty there. I think assassinations and robberies have also had something to do with this new practise… ‘oga’ is not so obvious if he’s seated beside the driver. Whatever the reason, we have more people shunning the place of honour in a car, for a less obvious position.
Instances where the car owner also happens to be the driver also leaves the seat open for anyone else in the car. Friends, family and even maids now get to ride along playing ‘oga madam’ whilst the car’s in motion. Helping out a few people is common and often waiting for the person in the back seat to move up is cumbersome and so a few friends temporarily occupy the ‘owner’s corner’ until their turn to get down.
Maids and other caregivers also sit there when children passengers are involved. In the case where the mother plays driver, her child’s safety is utmost when conveying her charge around, thus putting her baby and maid there helps her achiever her aims. By definition, the help becomes the ‘boss’ for the duration of the journey. Even if the mother is sans maid, the back seat is the place for children and not riding shotgun.
In several cases and vehicles across the land, the ‘owner’s corner’ is occupied by the bona fide person whom the title fits and that is as should be too. The ‘owner’s corner’ is one way of preserving an element of prestige, for those that find this important. For others it’s just another place to sit whilst inside a motorcar. Whatever view you might have of this trend is totally dependent on your understanding, views, attitudes and beliefs.
Reflections on Good Friday
Good Friday marks the day the death of Jesus Christ is remembered worldwide. It is a time of deep reflection for all Christians. Today’s remembrance also brings the Lenten season to an end, forty days of fasting and other spiritual exercise is concluded. The best part about the entire story is that Jesus didn’t stay dead. We celebrate his resurrection on Easter Sunday; three days later He rises from the dead. After He shows Himself to some of His followers He ascends into heaven.
This historical story has great impact on the lives of people. It’s a solemn reminder of how precious God considered each person worthy by this singular act. There are some people that don’t believe in the existence of God, others that believe He does exist, but wonder how he could actually have a child, again others find the whole crucifixion narration pretty hard to swallow! Whichever group you find yourself (or maybe any that’s not even stated here)…the fact remains that Christ walked the earth. The dating system as we know it is based on this i.e. A.D. (anno domini is Latin) translated means in the year of our Lord and B.C. before Christ.
Acknowledged by many religions as a great teacher and extraordinary person, Jesus made an impact on history that’s undeniable. To some He’s a controversial figure, whilst remaining an enigma. To others He’s simply God that paid the ultimate price so that they may live forever. Whatever your philosophy, Jesus existed and continues to stir up debate each and every time He’s mentioned.
This is a season of reflection in Christendom and despite the solemn nature of Good Friday, it’s an event made more joyful by the mysterious and glorious events still to take place three days later. Without His death, there’s no resurrection and glory that follows. So when we think about the events that surround this day as narrated in Holy Writ we must recall that this is not the end of the story but just the beginning…
We mustn’t forget that the stories of our lives are only partially complete. We do not know the next few chapters and will be surprised at the next couple of lines. Although often seemingly complex and opaque, the tapestry of our existence is plain to God. When we discover and acknowledge Him, we will be surprised at what He will do, even as we permit Him.
Happy Easter and may you experience the resurrection morning in all the areas of your life!
A Bus ride, A Beleaguered passenger and A beating!
It started out as the usual humdrum journey of hustling into the bus, sitting and waiting for it to fill up. It filled up pretty quickly and the arduous task of payment and change collection began. This is a process all Lagosians are familiar with and must, endure as long as the driver-conductor pair rather than the automated system is utilised. The BRT system has taken care of this from the onset and further reduced the stress associated with it. Thankfully, I had a twenty naira note and handed it over quite gleefully since it meant that my transaction was neatly concluded. The only thing left for me was get off at the last stop and so I promptly buried my nose in the book I’d brought along for that purpose.
Not five minutes into the journey, the bus suddenly stopped. Raising my head I heard passengers urging another to go and intervene on behalf of the conductor. Realising I’d missed the start of the ensuing drama, I listened and tried to piece the story together. The woman in question gave her child to the custody of the person beside her and got down.
Peering out and actively straining to see, I finally saw a man practically kneeling on another and raining blows on the body beneath! Despite the press of the crowd, traders and vehicles this act attracted a small gathering of onlookers. Pummelling would be the word for what the conductor suffered that day. Yes, apparently it was our bus conductor that was at the receiving end. The closest I’d come to seeing this type of ‘live action’ was on television!
The woman beside me was crowing in delight and making remarks about the conductor having finally met his match. To be quite truthful, my thoughts ran along similar lines as instances of harassments by men of his ilk came to mind. If you’re familiar with Lagos commuters, you’ll know that this is just the cue needed to recount similar experiences!
The woman succeeded in her mission and the conductor returned with blood flowing down his face. The encounter had left him with a cut above his right eye and the facial swelling was already visible. Interestingly his attacker also returned to continue the journey. Surprisingly, this individual looked really ‘cool’ and wasn’t out of breath despite his actions. He went on to inform the conductor that he was a ‘government agbero’ and so wasn’t fazed by his antics!
Like everyone else, he had been prepared to embark on a mundane trip but the harassment the conductor dished out to the hapless woman triggered his displeasure (and gallantry?). Recounting the tale fuelled his anger and he consequently finished in a raised voice. Conversely the conductor was now subdued and gentle; he gave everyone their change without further ado and did not utter a word. At the final bus-stop I discovered he had melted into the air! I’m certain he wasn’t prepared to wait around to discover that the ‘government agbero’ really had comrades there ready to subject him to more of the same.
This beating was one for the history books and a victory for all commuters that had been abused, harassed and victimised by conductors and commercial drivers alike. It left me fervently hoping that this conductor had learned his lesson and would not be so quick to mete out the same treatment to another unsuspecting passenger anytime soon!
(Previously published in the Daily Times on the 20th October 2011.)
