Old habits die hard! Sometimes they change and become almost unrecognisable. When that happens, unless you have a really good shrink you can’t trace their origin and even when you think you do…it may not be quite what you thought! This is my latest theory on why I think people choose to sit behind, sometimes at the very back when given the option.

I was at a seminar recently and watched as almost everyone ushered to the first row declined to sit there. Some bulked (men and women) as they drew closer to the front seats and chose to go their own way. Just a few complied and actually sat in the front row. Interestingly, just a handful accepted to sit exactly where indicated. Yours truly didn’t sit there either but rather chose to take up residence in the row immediately behind. My explanation is quite simple, no one to chat with because obviously the row was empty!

I understand that often times at public functions the first row is usually reserved for speakers, VIPs and other notable personas. Sometimes technical personnel and other crew members may also be assigned these seats to ensure the smooth running of the programme. These are some feasible reasons why this row might be out of bounds. In cases where it’s blatant this doesn’t exist…people are still leery to take the offer.

Another thing that came to mind is that there are some that prefer anonymity and that position practically screams, NOTICE ME. Again it could be a left-over from the educational system, those that sit behind get off being called to answer questions and other things. Those under the teacher’s nose on the other hand are usually told to do sums on the board, hand out questions and generally run errands for the teacher.

In this case the ushers must have been briefed about where participants could sit and they tried to get us to comply, without much help either! The hall was relatively small and so in terms of visibility and audio it worked out quite well for everyone since distance wasn’t a problem. I also guess that also affected decisions to stay further back.

Immediately I noticed the reluctance to go upfront, I asked a few people and curiously nobody was really able to give a concrete reason. One of the answers I was given was that those behind could better see everything. This reason and the thinking behind it almost convinced me…but not quite. Those in the back seats will see nothing but a sea of heads and the speakers are also more distant as well.

What I think this boils down to is sheer avoidance of the spotlight. People prefer to shun the public glare rather than be on display. Even celebrities prefer that paparazzi, fans and haters alike leave them alone whenever possible. It could also be a throwback to the educational system like I mentioned earlier, especially for guys. I attended a mixed school and the back benchers were all boys, the time you found a girl in that position wasn’t often and she had to be ‘allowed’ by them before she could stay there peaceable too!

Pushy people exist and they’ll certainly NOT shy away from the spotlight. In fact most likely these individuals will actually seek out the most visible spot and try and hog it! There’s only so much we can avoid something no matter how unpleasant or good the ultimate experience turns out to be. We have to learn to grin and bear it when we discover we can’t outrun it!

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small.
All things bright and wonderful…the Lord God made them ALL.

I like this hymn, although on second thoughts there are some animals I would prefer if God had kept off His to do list…the cockroach and rat for starters! Some people love them but me…not so much!

I hate vermin and no matter what you say, once I sight either of them I must kill them if possible. My super-hero power of smell tells me whenever roaches are near (I kid you not!) and this development can be a real bother. It can set off a sneezing spree and other untold horrors. This is not the reason I dislike them so much, I just think they’re dirty and bring disease. So given the opportunity I don’t consider it a sin to squash the smelly, filthy critters!

The same goes for those stinking rats! Yes, I can smell those a mile away too and when they’re in a room or I’m passing through one where they reside I can always sniff em out. I know someone whose nose starts twitching, then itches and massive nasal irritation starts on a grand scale whenever rats are near!

I’m not squeamish about killing either. I stamp, crush and swoop on cockroaches anywhere I see them and can comfortably do something about it. My view is that it’s either them or me and since I’m bigger I choose to get rid of them. I’ve used my feet, shoes, fingers, brooms and anything I can lay my hands on to get the job done but I never forget hygiene when doing it. I’m really glad when I’ve just fumigated and I find many dead on their backs! I love it better when I see one (or even two) and have a can of insecticide handy that I can spray directly on them. It takes just a few seconds and they wind up stone dead on their backs. My life sans roaches is sheer bliss.

Rats on the other hand are more difficult to kill. The use of poison and rat glue really helps in this case. One time I helped some friends to rid their room of a nest of baby rats. They looked so poor and helpless quite alright, even cute but the deed had to be done. I had to steel myself and beat them to death with the end of a broom. Funny enough I kept emitting involuntary squeaks when doing so, another thing that also helped was that the mother wasn’t anywhere near. I know it sounds quite savage that a woman could do this but letting them live was not an option.

When it comes to this class of bug and rodent, I don’t share the views of people that say live and let live. First their peculiar smells make me uncomfortable and they also carry diseases which harm and could ultimately lead to vast loss of lives. Eventually if they’re not controlled they spread and by doing my part (albeit minute) I help prevent this from happening.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in a roach or rat infested area. There are some ‘little’ things that maybe deadly but are overlooked because of size. It may seem ‘harmless’ but when the consequences of what it could produce in the long run are considered then perhaps it’s time to nip it in the bud. Doing this may be unpleasant at first, but once you start, you’ll find your ‘nose’ becomes more acute in sniffing out trouble in its infancy.

As a movie lover I read with horror the shootings that occurred during the premier of the Dark Knight Rises in Colorado. To say it was horrific would be an understatement and I can only picture what the victims felt, thought and imagined when everything was happening. Scenes that had been seen countless times in movies (maybe a theatre) were being played out and it was real! There were no cameras, lights or director shouting, action! I know the images in my head pale beside the real events, unwittingly I still imagine it when I read various accounts and see photographs. Unfortunately, this incident is a reminder of the Columbine shootings that also took place in the same state fourteen years ago. My heart, thoughts and prayers goes out to the families of the deceased and every other person affected by this tragedy.

Boko Haram has already made it a possibility for such an occurrence here in Nigeria. We live in an era of bombings, explosions and looming death. We’re now more concerned with additional possible ways of dying than ever before. Real life has managed to take on the hue of our favourite movies (be they Nollywood or Hollywood) and in some cases it’s the most violent ones that are enacted. Sadly, violence has become a tool and its disciples often times don’t tip off the larger community because of their guises. They deceive and earn the basic trust required for minimal contact when we accept them as ‘normal’.

Real life is often stranger than fiction and this has been depicted over and over again, public incidents like this demonstrate this vividly. People also have personal experiences they can point to that buttresses this point as well. Some are shocking, unpleasant, happy, irritating, annoying, surprising, sad etc., but each is emotional. Man is an emotional being and as part of his DNA he will express it in various degrees. These emotions help us cope and strike a balance when things happen. Eventually we find our feet once again and learn how to move ahead. This is a process that takes time and for the families of the deceased and surviving victims of violence it could take years. Natural disasters, wars, famine, accidents of different types, personal encounters etc can also fall into this category and the salient point is that an interval is still required in each case, albeit short or long.

Life throws several challenges our way in both the personal and public domains and the resilience of the human spirit is continually displayed when this happens. Often times we’re at our best when terrible things unite and our humanity shines through then. We should try to remember this quality daily since we cannot accurately predict when the next disaster will happen. When we do this we show others the essence of humankind and hopefully it helps them when a difficult time comes. Support is natural when bad things arise…let’s make it the norm even when they’re good.

Transformers…robots in disguise! This is one of my all time favourite lines. Thanks to the Michael Bay directed blockbuster sequel, a majority now know about this alien race. Interestingly, they live on earth in plain view, although quite innocuously…as motor vehicles of one sort or the other. In case you haven’t seen this movie, maybe you should if you enjoy action, good and bad guys and the whole saving the earth scenario!

As an analogy it’s pretty interesting, because one way or the other we all wear one form of disguise or the other. Whilst some deliberately set out to deceive, others may appear to be something other than what they really are. This is different from the different hats and roles that some are called to fill at various times and places. A celebrity may also be a mother and wife, whilst the successful business man happens to be a devoted son, sibling and friend to those in his family and inner circle. In some cases real disguises may come in when public figures feel that this one of the only ways to get some privacy.

We wear masks and yet still living seemingly ‘normal lives’ in the process. They help us function and be who and what we ought (or want) to be at every point in time. These forms shield us and prevent exposure of our more vulnerable side. This camouflage helps everyone function in society. Unfortunately, the perverts and other criminal types also take advantage of this and engage in anti-social behaviour of the worst kind.

The Autobots only came out of ‘hiding’ when necessary, but the other times they lived mundane lives with their human owners none the wiser. For people this sometimes happens, when unexpected situations present themselves and we don’t have the ready answer or solution in the required context. If the reaction or behaviour demonstrated is atypical of the circumstances, there might be comments and surprise at the unexpected turn of events by colleagues and others present.

Socialisation teaches the norms of societal behaviour and since every human being is programmed from babyhood, abnormal conduct is usually frowned upon. Thus, tears in men, or somewhat unemotional woman are not the usual. Vulnerability is usually reserved for a trusted few, those that understand the individual and find it acceptable for them to expose this part of their nature. It becomes a problem if people don’t have an avenue where they can completely let down their guard. It creates more difficulty for such a person to be normal in the true sense of what this represents.

The chance to let off steam regularly is crucial to character development and general well being. The more emotional aspects of human nature are part and parcel of the entire package and denying this creates an imbalance that eventually wrecks havoc. Emotional balance is critical. Discussions with any psychologist or psychiatrist will reveal that acceptance of certain characteristics described as a ‘weakness’ helps the individual to become more rounded as they either overcome, control or change it.

Others can see us more clearly than we sometimes see ourselves and when we listen to the people we trust give their unbiased opinions, it’s important we do something, especially if more than one has voiced the same observations in unrelated occurrences. It takes courage to let others see what we consider as personal. Privacy is has its place but life isn’t really worthwhile if those we love and that love us cannot scold us over the critical aspects of our lives when the need arises.

Sometime in late May, found me experiencing something totally new. It was an unusually daunting time because I couldn’t breathe properly. For those that aren’t ready to meet their maker you’ll understand why I didn’t like this state. Anyway, I really had a bad allergic reaction to…SOMETHING. I understood hay fever since I’d been subject to it in the past. It reared its ugly head during the rainy season and outside e.g. high concentration of generator fumes. Thankfully these incidents have lessened over the years, both in frequency and intensity.

So, one fateful day I woke up and discovered that both nostrils were totally blocked! I’m sure everyone has had a time when one was blocked and they had to make do with the other one. Not this time, BOTH were not letting air through and the only option left was found beneath my nose. Yes, I had no choice but to open my mouth and gulp air through it! Not pleasant I assure you and if it was funny the humour was totally lost on me at the time.

Not one that believes in self-medication I called a doctor friend for consultation. She’s quite familiar with my medical history and listened carefully as I gave the details of my unusual predicament. Her conclusion was that it was still an allergic reaction despite the absence of rain and the silence of the generators due to NEPA’s largesse. The prescribed treatment was steam inhalation, warm drinks and no undue exposure to the elements. To some it sounds like a harsh sentence, but the odd thing out was the first requirement, the closest I’d come to steam was in the kitchen and the only time I’d steamed my face.

This was a matter of life or death and one I couldn’t afford to be half-hearted about. I commenced the steam inhalation therapy with a vengeance! I inhaled steam twice a day, in the morning and night. I would have become addicted or high on it, if it had been possible, that was the ferociousness and dedication I put into it. I wanted to take in air like normal people so badly. After about two weeks of faithfully using the steam, warm drinks et al I discovered that the mucous in my nasal passages didn’t budge one inch!

There were periods I sneezed and blew my nose and with it came a modicum of relief but these instances were few and far between. The mother lode stayed exactly where it was. During this saga I got some respite during the day, when blissfully one airway would suddenly open and work for a while. This proved useful, since I didn’t have to work with my mouth open and thereby cause offence. By nightfall, both passages were once again congested and it was back to the status quo.

Totally demoralised and about to give up, I called my doctor friend and narrated my tale. She encouraged me and told me to hang in there. By this time I’d also had one or two close encounters with steam. If you’ve ever been scalded you’ll bear witness that it’s more dangerous than hot water and wrecks greater havoc. Gauging the safe distance to conduct my twice daily ritual was not easy and facial burns weren’t something I wanted to add to my current baggage.

To cut a long story short, I continued this way for almost three weeks and then one night a massive sneeze overtook me and out came the resident evil! I was ecstatic and thankfully, at the time I was in the bathroom. I didn’t even need to help it along in anyway. Once again my passages were free! This ordeal reminded me that life will always throw us challenges that require we persevere just a little bit more in some situations. At times it seems like everything is exactly the same no matter that we’re doing the right thing and putting in our best. The fact is things are changing although invisible to us. We must learn to stay the course and not give up…easier said than done I know but absolutely possible. We must pay the price.

I love a good book and what beats that is a great one! I love to get lost in a story and my imagination works over time trying to create the places, people, sights and sounds described therein. My second best hobby is watching a good movie! It becomes even better if it’s a book I’ve read. The most magical part is when the movie does justice to the book! Not too many movies that have been adapted from books make the cut and I leave disappointed. I had a better time reading and imagining it than the architects did in re-creating…my opinion.

The best part is that I also happen to work with words and that means I get to indulge in my favourite pastime of all times. Alas, as an adult one has to ‘grow up’ and this means that many things compete for time and some things get lost in the fray. Although, I work with words, ergo books, I also spend hours of my leisure time with them as well. Yes, I consume books and make no apologies about that either. I also don’t care what format they come in, hard back, paperback, online or soft copy…as long so as it’s a book…I’ll take it!

Before you think of a really old, bespectacled woman with her nose buried in one tome or the other, please throw it out of the window because the picture’s all wrong. Like I said I love the movies and this is another form of relaxation for me, one I try to do as often as possible. Like the books, I also have a number of these at my fingertips, so a few series and favourite films can be found on the hard drive of my personal computer. Although when I talk about going to the movies I don’t mean clicking on the soft copy on my laptop. This I do often enough, but in my opinion there are some motion pictures that deserve THE cinematic experience i.e. taking a trip to the theatres.

Fine there are enough things that can put me off making a trip there, what with the crowds (especially when a new movie premieres then the throngs take over!), phones going off, loud conversations for the duration and those folks that simply cannot keep their feet off the chairs! The experience has a lot that militates against it. Despite all these, the large screen, surround sound and total immersion call out to me to make that pilgrimage. So when a new release worth all the trouble makes its debut I try and indulge myself. It hasn’t been easy though and I’ve missed many because of pressing responsibilities, the thought of traffic, low energy levels etc. It almost became shameful when friends and family discovered I’d not seen flicks like Avengers, MIB3 and the like. They couldn’t comprehend what had happened to me and there were no explanations I could give!

I finally realised that it went beyond the mechanics of going to the cinemas. It was not compulsory but something I had to do for myself. This was one basic way I could take out some time and simply breathe! It was a pause that made it easier to continue with every other thing I simply HAD to do or be. Yesterday I finally ended the drought and caught one, for a few minutes I got lost in the story until the credits and music came to an end. Relax and don’t forget to breathe in the second half of 2012…you’ll be the better for it too!

Some things stand out in your memory. They remain vivid, until something else comes along that tries to displace it, but yet it stays. A visit to an aunt, a day out with your family, teachers, classmates, strangers, acquaintances, places etc have memories attached (good or bad) and they inevitably become reference points. Some things could happen (déjà vu) that triggers that memory and you find yourself reliving the moment.

So it was for me recently when I saw some members of my extended family…flashbacks were the order of the day. In my memory an aunt was larger than life, one a disciplinarian, another gentle as ever and my uncle was the businessman managing a growing concern. These were some of the things that flashed when I spied them. Unbidden the memories resurfaced and gave glimpses of moments in my childhood and late adolescence.

As this was happening I was either exchanging pleasantries or looking through the crowd. My uncle was older and wasn’t as physically imposing as I remembered, I’m sure that the fact I’d also grown some played a major role. The timbre of his voice and the look about his eyes hadn’t changed despite the years. He was all decked out and this was necessary, after all it was his daughter’s wedding day. She on the other hand I had almost no recollection of, until I caught a glimpse of her as she walked down the aisle and then it was only a vague nudge that I had seen the face in the distant past.

As in all family gatherings, there were lots of pleasantries and exclamations. Some encounters were pretty disconcerting for me, for instance, my larger than life aunt didn’t show any sign that she recognised me! She wasn’t quite as bubbly as I recalled either, but with the heat, family protocol and other things to which she was subjected maybe it was just as well. I couldn’t get near the disciplinarian…she it was that taught me what it meant to stoop (classic punishment) eons before secondary school! Thankfully the gentle aunt knew me and even mentioned my name.

In the course of the church service I also saw some of my father’s friends. Blessed with facial recall I zoomed in on them and approached those I could. Some names slipped and those I couldn’t remember to save my life! The crowd made it difficult to meet them all but those I walked up to acknowledged me and sent their regards to their old friend.

This occasion was evocative and despite the bygone years, made me feel like a child once again. I’m certain this happens to everyone else (depending on how far back) when they encounter chunks of their past life. The two hours I spent at this wedding reminded me that life is a cycle and even though people and incidents remain ‘frozen’ in your memory…life continues and so do they do. Memories are precious and life richer as a result.

I don’t know about you but my first encounter with the internet was through electronic mail. Interestingly enough, my oldest account (still use it fifteen years and counting) was opened by a friend. I gave her the user name I wanted and the rest as they say is history! I’m not sure what the time lag was between opening the account and the first time I personally checked it.

In order to do this I visited my first cybercafé and was introduced to another world. For anyone that remembers, this meant you bought time and the minimum then was an hour. For this you parted with about one hundred or one hundred and fifty naira. If you were lucky the connection was relatively fast (relative being the operative word here) and you were able to actually open, read and maybe reply an email before the hour was up. On the other hand, if you were unfortunate, you could spend that hour just trying to log in and leave highly disgruntled because you were unable to despite having parted with the normal fee.

Being a complete novice, the words isp, internet provider, ip address etc were Latin words that went over my head. These were the exotic words the attendants muttered under their breath when called to help with any issue. I wasn’t interested in what they said and couldn’t give a fig about the meaning…just let my box open, I don’t really care how you do it either!

With the proliferation of cafes one quickly learned which had fast connections and the best time to go there. When the logistics was sorted out the experience became more worthwhile i.e. you got to check your mail without wasting money and also not worry about anyone looking over your shoulder. Despite this there were instances when the cafe of choice was overcrowded and the only response was to leave rather than undergo the unpleasantness the throng would entail. Operators weren’t too worried about working air-conditioners and the number of people present cancelled out its effect in places when they functioned. If NEPA happened to strike and the generator turned on, the air-conditioners were normally ditched and for the less hardened users it’s a prompt to leave the premises as fast as possible.

Fortunately during the period I patronised the cybercafés I was never in the premises when police raids were conducted. These became regular in their bid to round up the ‘yahoo boys’. Often times regular night swoops of notorious spots became the norm. If you were innocent and rounded up with them you were in a pretty pickle and extricating yourself would be a daunting task!
Internet cafes still abound and hopefully their services have been upgraded. The temperamental connections once interminably slow have vastly improved. The number of providers has increased thus making broader the range of choice too. It seems the conditions under which people check mails and use the internet have also been transformed. With the corresponding improvements prices have also stabilised. Furthermore, the amount of time that can be bought has also reduced and the ticket valid for a specified period from the day of purchase.

Yours truly has also learned what some of the muttered phrases mean and discovered them not to be incomprehensible as first thought…I’ve even added more to my repertoire! I now live in an age where the internet is readily available on most mobile phones and so it’s only as far away as your pocket or wherever you so choose. Cybercafés are slowly becoming dinosaurs and will soon become extinct as well.